The promiscuous side of BPD *explicit content*

So, after recovering enough from Glandular Fever to return to university in my second year (I somehow managed to attend exams and pass my first year whilst Ill) i settled in to my life living with friends in a house in the city, close to the university campus. As a student, I was short of money, but I had an allowance from my parents each month with supplemented my student loan, so I was a lot better off than a lot of my friends.

To this day I do not understand the logic behind what I did next, I suppose the only saving grace is that I did not realise the impact it would have on my life in the years that followed.

I did an Internet search for escort agencies, and made an appointment to meet with one the following week. I suppose in my defence it was my understanding that I was to go on dates with men as opposed to sleeping with them, which I was later to find out was not true. I suppose a part of me also thought it would be cool, that I would be special because I had this secret; of course I also had no self respect so could see no wrong in it.

I met the lady from the agency in a cafe near to my uni house, and we chatted about how the business worked. She would get the clients through a website I would be advertised on, I would be sent a text with the name, location, time and length of appointment. I was to text when I arrived and phone when I left, during that time I was expected to have sex with the client, or do other things he requested.

Have you ever watched the program ‘secret diary of a call girl?’ – it’s pretty accurate. We, as escorts had certain rules – no CIM (cum in mouth), no bareback (sex without a condom). We could do oral uncovered (blow job without a condom) and anal if he agreed (i did OU but not anal). He we often asked for a service called GFE which was girlfriend experience – French kissing and massage – and this was all part of the service.

The money was fantastic, £350 for the first hour and £100 for every hour thereafter, although the agency did take 20% of that. I suddenly found myself with thousands of pounds – I paid off my overdraft and my credit cards, then went on a spending spree. A brand new sat nav, clothes, jewellery, if I wanted it, I bought it. The shopping was infective and it resulted in me coming out of the escorting with little more than I started.

As well as the escorting, I subscribed to modelling websites. I know this is a conflict if interest – I say I think of myself as ugly, fat and disgusting, then go and try to be a model. I don’t know whether I was after a confidence boost, or simply more attention, but because of my promiscuous tendencies the modelling quickly turned from innocent clothed portrait photography to art nude, glamour and bondage.

For the most part I made no money from this, it was TFP (time for prints) and when my self harming habits returned I obviously had to stop.

Take care. X

Take care. X

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