For many years I struggled to understand how I could go through such extreme changes in emotion when other people seemed to be much more stable. And it wasn’t just the change of emotions, it was the short time between the changes. In an hour I cold go from being suicidal, to euphoric and back again. When I finally gained my BPD diagnosis it all made sense, it was the explanation that I had been looking for, but it didn’t make it any easier to live with.
People don’t understand, when you are down and you seek support, people then accuse you of being over dramatic when the next day you are perfectly fine, or even worse, a few hours later.
How do you explain that you really are feeling those emotions, they really are as bad as you say they are, and their changeability is as confusing to you as it is to them?
The last few days I have been suicidal, with strong urges of self harm. I have been talking these feelings over with a close friend, crying my eyes out whilst describing how helpless I feel, and she has been so, so supportive. But, after taking the dogs out today, I suddenly feel happy, almost manic. I have been through my room and had a spring clean, had a good shower and sorted my hair, nails etc (I have been so depressed I wasn’t even bothering to wash) and sorted out a desk full of paperwork.
I did take Seroquel (quetiapine) which as I’m sure you know can be a mood stabiliser, but am not currently taking it. Perhaps I should consider going back on it, i’m not sure.
What are your opinions and experiences on this?
Take care. X