Thoughts

So, here I am, all alone. I’m feeling pretty upset at the moment. Do bad things that people say about you upset you as much as they do me? I have a friend with ‘benefits’, it’s a good relationship for both of us, we are good friends, and we are open with each other, so it works. Anyway, this weekend I was staying at his house, and I found out that a mutual friend of ours (more his admittedly) has warned him off me, telling him to be careful. Now, for someone who for a lifetime has felt badly about themselves, and only recently started feeling a little bit more positive, things like this are really hard to take.

I always think of myself as a dirty, useless whore. Sometimes I am proud of the fact that I can handle myself in bed, other times I am ashamed. But, I realised just now, I actually am not a whore, at least, not now. I have slept with two people in the last 12 months, is that excessive, or normal? Both were not one night stands and actually meant something if that makes it any better.

Something else I realised, as I as driving home. There are times when I feel low, but don’t know why, it’s almost as if, because I don’t feel anything else, I revert to a default state of depression. Does anyone else feel this? I don’t know else how to explain it, it’s almost as if my mind can’t cope with the blank space and has to fill it with something, the only thing it knows?

Take care. X

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4 comments

  1. Jaen Wirefly · · Reply

    You’re not a whore; two people in 12 months isn’t much at all.

    I tend to default to depression as well which is probably why I should get back into therapy. Antidepressants have helped me cope with my depressive episodes. If you’re not seeing a psychiatrist now, you may want to look into finding one you trust.

    Hugs.

  2. Angel O'Fire · · Reply

    two people in 12 months is nothing, you are far from a whore,

    as Jean said above, anti depressants may be useful to you to help you get through those times when your feeling really low, they don’t fix what the problem is but they are a brilliant tool to use as a crutch to help you over the bumps that can sometimes get in our way from time to time, try and stay positive, ((hugs)) Angel

    1. I am already taking 20mg daily dose Escitalopram but I think perhaps I need to increase it or supplement it with either an anti-psychotic or a mood stabiliser?

      1. Angel O'Fire · ·

        the medication you are currently on is an anti depressant and often used as a mood stabiliser, talk to your prescribing doctor, about increasing it or perhaps changing it to a different type of medication

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