Possibly why I have been posting on my blog so much today, I can’t seem to do anything else.
I am currently sat at work, I am the only one because two people are off sick. I can’t think straight, I can’t concentrate. I work for my mum in the family business, and was on a phased return to work, but she seems to have forgotten that and is piling on the pressure and the work. The computer systems have gone down, the printers aren’t working, nor is the network or the databases. She has gone to lunch and left me in the office on my own. She has left me a load of work to do from the other side of the business (from the lady who is off sick) and I don’t understand any of it, I can’t even remember what she told me to do.
I’m only getting by because I have a razor with me, and I’m making really small cuts on my arm every few minutes to keep me calm, but the blood is starting to seep through the tubigrip I have on my arm. I tried phoning Jon, the person who supports me the most, but he isn’t answering his home phone or mobile, and not responding to text. I want to cry, I don’t feel like I can go on, but I can’t leave and leave my mum on her own. She had a stroke last year to do with stress and I’m sure if I got ‘ill’ again, and she had to cope with the business on her own, it would happen again.
I just wish I could think straight, and the computers would work, so I could get some of this work done. She’s going to come back from work any minute and ask me what I’ve been doing. I can hardly tell her I’ve been using her time to pour my heart out on a blog, as I can’t focus on anything apart from writing down how I feel. It’s like my head is swirling, I almost feel dizzy and sometimes my sight is going funny.
I wish someone could help me out of this.
Take Care. x