Today has been awful so far. I woke up late, and my hand was really sore. I couldn’t get the motivation to get up out of bed, or do to anything in fact. My brother is visiting this weekend.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my brother, but let me explain a little of the background. A few years ago he met and married his now life, who already had a daughter from a previous marriage. Jen (let’s call her) was desperate for another child but had some issues, so they went through several rounds of IVF and one miscarriage before they managed to have another child. As you can imagine, this ‘miracle child’ is a spoilt, screaming brat who has to be the centre of attention, and is only 2 so I’m sure will become a lot worse as time goes on. Add to that, their dog, who they insist on bringing every time they come and then let loose to run wherever, and snap at my two dogs in their own home. My dad is in his element (I’ve said this previously but I’m sure he and my half sister are favourites over me), my mum has made herself scarce and I’ve tried to.
I decided soon after they arrived to take the dogs out for a walk to get away. It wasn’t the lovely walk I had been expecting, despite having a good nights sleep last night I feel exhausted, and had to take regular breaks. I felt so confused about what was going round my head, I couldn’t make sense of any of the feelings. I sat there on a bench, feeling as though I wanted to end it all. What is the point of carrying on? I felt dreadfully upset but couldn’t identify why. My head is a mess and I’m not even articulating it properly now.
Take care. X