Until I realised a lot of it was true.
Here is a link to the original article. As much as of lot of it makes me angry, I can’t help thinking at least once in my life, I have done what the article says exactly. What are your opinions?
HOW TO SPOT A GIRL WITH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
Is the girl you’re dating very seductive, explosive, charming, warm, wild, ecstatic, fantasy-fulfilling and emotionally vulnerable? Does she think you have such a sweet, sexy voice?
She thinks you’re the funniest guy on the planet. And you think she is so brilliant. She is absolutely without any hang ups. She enjoys just being with you. She ignores all the other men around her and fixes her gaze upon your eyes. She tells you all the stuff you want to hear. She has a remarkable talent to focus on your greatness. She has an amazing ability to mirror your attributes to appear like you. Thus, you feel an instant connection.
First phase: Her Intriguing Life Story
She engages you to her life story. The numerous stories of childhood betrayals in her life keep you intrigued. The drama in her life surpasses the TV soap operas. She starts her story as an abandoned child. She narrates how her mother was abusive. Sometimes, there is some kind of incest. Her mother left her with relatives who molested her. She also tells about a fascinating story about how her mother taught her to shoplift.
She continues her story to describe her father. He is someone she hardly knew. He was a heroin addict. He loses his temper quickly. He would indulge in alcohol and extra-marital affairs. He recalls her miserable life with him.
She remembers how her mother would sleep with different strangers. She describes them as drinking beer and smoking. In her fear, she would hide under her bed. Sometimes, she admits seeing things that a child shouldn’t see.
You ask her if she was molested. She will tell you that she had no memory of certain periods in her life. Then, she suddenly has crocodile tears in her eyes which turned to unstoppable sobbing. She said that she cannot talk about it further. You tell yourself, “This poor girl doesn’t deserve this life. This girl has never experienced love before. I will show her what love is. I will rescue her from her horrible life.”
Second Phase: Idealization
In this phase of the relationship, she is very interested in your whereabouts. She likes to know the nitty-gritty details in your life. She adores your talents. She is interested in what you do. She puts you up on a high pedestal. You feel like a king around her. She tells you that you are everything she could possibly want in a man.
She worships you like you’re the perfect guy. In her eyes, you could do no wrong. She would tie your shoe laces, fix your collar and offer to do errands. She would call you many times a day to make sure that you are alright, need anything or just praise you for being the most beautiful being in her life. She will even apologize unceasingly if it rained outside. Every inch of you matters to her. She even becomes involved in everything you like. You feel that for sure compatibility is not an issue.
Third Phase: Snares
This stage of the relationship consists of ongoing cooling off, breakups and reunions. Within the same day, she perceives you as one that could do no wrong. Her behavior shifts dramatically to the opposite. She puts words into your mouth. . Now, she assassinates your character. She spews profanities at you that you have to leave the scene especially if she does it in public places. Caught off guard, you feel resentful, angry and rejected.
The next day you feel relieved it’s over. A few days after, you’ll come to think of her and replay your fights. She is like a drug that you can’t live without because you got used to her attentiveness and availability. You obsessively long for her return justifying what she did wrong. Then, one day she calls you about her financial, emotional and sexual predicaments. You can’t resist because of suicide threats or attempts. You rescue her. She actually shows you cuts on her wrists and bruises on different parts of her body.
She felt abandoned by you, whether real or imagined. She gives you guilt about it. She wants you to idolize her or she feels unloved. Her emotions are intense. You feel important but confused. You feel overwhelming, yearning sensations to connect. Now, that she has lured you back in her life. She feels satisfied and she is pregnant.
You have second thoughts committing yourself to marriage but episodes of emotional turbulence occur so frequently. You think twice if not marrying her are causing all these turmoil. Maybe marrying her will end the nagging and pressure. Now, you feel trapped. You are in her snare.
Fourth Phase: Emotional Terrorism
In this phase, little Hitler’s rules come out. Her favorite line is “I don’t appreciate it when you make me wait, or when you make me do this.” She can’t tolerate when a pretty girl enters the room. She thinks you are definitely attracted to this girl. You exclaimed, “What girl?” She hates you for denying her truth. Then, from nowhere she shows rage and becomes hysterical.
She likes to give negative opinions on those around her. One day she might say, “Did you see how that cashier looked at me? What a bitch.” She expects you to come to her defense or empathize with her. If not, she will most likely confront the girl and spew more swear words.
She likes to be the focus of your life. If anything takes you away from her such as school work, parents, friends, or job, she will torture you with negative comments about these. She sees your friends and families as threats so she talks down or belittles them. Her frequent statements are “I don’t see why you have to spend time with them.”
Her emotional outbursts become very frequent. She cuts or puts herself in dangerous situations to get your attention. She threatens suicide. She asks for more money. If she does not get her way, she throws things at you or physically hurt you. She challenges your manhood.
Fifth Phase: You’re the Enemy and Revenge
You’ve had it. You cannot stand her ridicule, criticisms, rages and threats. You break away. She will seduce you back but with vengeance. She will have sex with your best friend or have an affair.
You feel like you brought this to her so you try to save her. Or, you worry about your child. But, she is now detached. If the new man is dependable and supportive, she is very prepared to leave you. You agonize on how easy it is for her to replace you.
But life doesn’t end there. Negative propaganda starts within your family circle as she wants to feel justified for leaving you. She exaggerates on stories about you and intentionally lies. This is to show people that you are the villain. Her dexterity to twist facts elicits eager listeners to her woes. She is able to put sense in other people’s doubts about you. Even if her statements are contradictory, she is often believed because of her acting skills. She will not hesitate to go into a smear campaign in front of an audience. Her false claims astound you for she has an amazing ability to remember in detail what people say or do and twist it for her purpose.
If you have a child with her, she will use the legal system to create real or imagined accusations. She will drain you financially. Your child is now her pawn to further control you. You are the enemy. You are the cause of her miserable life. You deserved to be punished for all the pain she feels.
Spotting the Borderline Personality Disorder Traits
Many girls with Borderline Personality Disorder have a problem with regulating their emotions. Is your new girl highly sensitive? Is she too intense? Does she shower you with too much compliments and admiration? Borderlines like to go into rebound relationships. How many relationship stories did she share with you?
Borderlines have compulsions that lead to addiction. It includes self-medication, alcohol abuse, overeating, self-mutilation, shopping sprees and sexual affairs. Did she mention any stories in her family about these compulsions or addictions?
Having highly developed logical skills, a Borderline appear very smart. She can have a stack of information at her disposable to convince you on a lot of different issues. A borderline is verbose and articulate. You are amazed at her photographic memory. They can have memories that never actually occurred. Sometimes, these memories may be intentional lies. In the long run, they believe that their lies are the truth.
In their world, there are no grey areas. Events and people are either perceived as “black or white”. A borderline is jealous of your relationship with your children, mother, father, therapist, etc. It triggers abandonment emotions. They can put a wedge between you and your families and friends. She loves pitting her children, families, and friends against each other.
Dating is a risky game. There are red flags to take into serious consideration on your first few dates. Borderlines have intriguing life stories. They engaged you and then they skillfully find your weak spots. Then, she puts her trap. Once in her snare, you are controlled and manipulated. You will try harder to be on her good side. But, she will push you away by her constant cruel gestures and remarks.
Borderlines are near the border of psychosis. Their reality is twisted. Unfortunately, Borderlines require a psychiatric evaluation and treatment. A different approach to therapy like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is required. It will take a lot of courage to leave a Borderline. They will not make it easy for you to leave. They will blackmail you with your weaknesses.
Just as you thought everything is over, she will engage you or “hoover”, a term derived from the vacuum cleaner to represent “sucking in”. Her self-worth depends on feeling connected to you. Any disappointments occurring in her life, like current love affairs or job stresses, will make her impulsively call you.
She does not know her boundaries. She is very angry at you. She will not hesitate to hurt you in the most inconceivable and damaging ways. Sometimes, an escape plan and “no contact” are the only safe options for you.