So one thing I haven’t discussed yet on my blog is something that happens to me, not so much since I was really ill, but it is slowly coming back.
To start from the beginning, I started to notice it when I was living with Jean, and we were really, really close. First, it started off with emotions, when she was upset, I was upset. When she was happy, I was happy. But I guess you can attribute that to how close we were – obviously we would bounce off one another and our mood would affect each others. But then it hit a new level – one day, we were apart, but I suddenly had a terrible pain in my left wrist. I wondered what the hell I had done to it. It was a few minutes later when Jean phoned me in tears, to tell me she was on the way to the hospital. Without her telling me anything, I asked her if she had broken her left wrist. She was shocked that I already knew what she had done, and as she was so upset, I didn’t dare tell her how I knew, especially as I didn’t understand it myself.
This happened a couple more times, through several injuries and incidents. Then, other things started happening. Out of the blue, I would feel anxious, and a few hours later, something would happen. I don’t want to call it premonitions – but I don’t know what it was.
So it was at this time, I was convinced by a friend to have a Bowen Treatment. Apparently they were very relaxing and I thought it may help the sore back I had at the time. When I arrived at the ladies house (who was the practitioner) I was shown to her treatment room. All around the room were crystals of all different shapes and colours, and on the walls were certificates of qualifications in Bowen, Reiki and other forms of therapy. I didn’t know what any of this was, but it seemed right to ask her about what had been happening to me.
She was very interested, and asked if I knew anything of Reiki, energy or crystals, to which I replied no. She asked me if I wanted to try a Reiki treatment, to which I agreed. I lay on the treatment table, and she put her hands over my face. Now, I am a sceptic at the best of times, but when I opened my eyes, I expected to see her holding a lamp over my face it was so hot, but it was just her hands. I couldn’t believe it. To my brain, things have to be scientific, to have a reason or an explanation, and I couldn’t explain this.
I started going back to see this lady, Sheila, on a regular basis, and it was a few months later that she asked me if I wanted to study Reiki with her, and be ‘attuned’ (a process which allows you to practice Reiki on other people). I jumped at the chance. Despite being sceptical, I knew what I felt when she treated me, and I knew how my hands were always hot, and felt tingley when I put them on other people (I had always thought it was normal but apparently not).
If I am honest, at the attunement, I didn’t feel much at all, when others claimed they had had a life changing experience. I so desperately wanted to feel something more, but it didn’t happen. And sceptical as I am, I don’t know whether I buy into the idea of being ‘cleared out’ and being charged £175 for the priviledge (for this reason I have never charged to put my hands on anyone). The idea of attunement is this; we are always surrounded by energy, and in Reiki, our body is used as a channel for that energy. Attunement clears those channels ready for use.
I don’t know if it is real, or whether it is imaginary. I know how my hands feel when I put them on someone (especially on someone who needs it) or even myself. I also know that some people have said my hands feel very hot, when others have said they have felt very cold. But, what I do know, is that Sheila thought I had a gift, that perhaps I was more open to energy and that was why I could pick up the pain someone else was feeling (I know it sounds crazy but it gave me an answer that I so desperately needed).
Unfortunately, when I became ill, I was so medicated, and so screwed up in the head, this stopped. I felt nothing. Putting my hands on someone did nothing at all. It was as if I was dead inside.
Now, after nearly a year of healing myself, I think something is returning. A few nights ago I had a terrible dream about a friend of mine. We were in a wood, and she went missing. In the dream I knew that after dark, something prowled the wood, and she would be in danger, but no matter how hard I searched, I couldn’t find her. In the end, as it was getting darker, the people I was with dragged me away from the wood and I woke up crying.
Despite it being 4am, I text my friend, asking her if she was ok. She replied that she wasn’t go good, and in fact, the reason why she wasn’t so good was pretty similar (metaphorically) to the dream that I had had. It makes me wonder whether whatever I ‘had’ is returning.
Take Care. x