30 Day Challenge – Day twenty six

Day 26: Your Dream Wedding.

Like most little girls, I dreamed of a fairytale wedding. A tall, dark, handsome man and a big white dress. Thousands of people admiring me on the best day of my life. However, as I got a little older, and started my jouney of BPD, my ideals changed a little bit.

So, first of all, I don’t want  a church wedding. I don’t believe in god, so why would I want my wedding in a church? It would be lovely to have it in an old country house somewhere, somewhere with lots of character and history.

And then there is the dress. Everyone says that only virgins should wear white, but I suppose that only goes if you believe in that symbolism. Would I cover my arms up? Probably, with lace gloves or similar. I don’t want that to be an issue for me on a special day like my wedding.

How many guests would I have? Not many. The whole affair would cause me a lot of anxiety – if I invite too many people  I will worry because people will be looking at me (of course they will, it’s my wedding, but why would they give up their entire day to come and support me, am I really worth that much to people?) and if I don’t invite enough – what if nobody comes at all?! At the very least I would like close friends and family to be there to share the day with me.

And last but not least, the man. Gone is my dream of a tall, dark and handsome man. Looks are important to me any more. Now I want someone who understands me, who is supportive and will be my friend above all else.

Take Care. x


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