So after feeling on top of the world this morning after my exam results, it takes 6 hours or so before yet again, my feelings are in the gutter, I feel desperately sad and want to harm myself.
I had a call from the vet, my little dog recently had a CT scan to investigate a lameness in one of her legs. The scan confirmed that although it wasn’t the genetic condition we thought it was, there are 3 small fragments of bone inside the tendon attached to her elbow. This can’t be operated on, and we just need to ‘wait and see’ what happens. Now whether this is BPD or whether this is me, I don’t know, but with things like this, I need to know. It is the reason I spend £100’s of pounds of vets fees – I can’t bear not knowing when it is anything to do with my babies. I felt ok about the phonecall, or so I thought.
It wasn’t until a few hours later that I felt those old feelings creeping back in. On top of that, I am going camping this weekend, something I have been looking forward to for a while. But packing makes me stressed. I always feel like I’m going to forget something important.
Sorry, I know this is really petty. I’ve taken a couple of diazepam so hopefully I will settle down soon. I just hate this rollercoaster which seems to be neverending – an up and down ride of emotions so extreme I can’t keep up. Please can someone stop it – I want to get off.
Take Care. x