Feeling bad about myself.

How many of you, when things go wrong, immediately tell yourselves you are at blame, and stupid, instead of looking at the situation logically and thinking it might not have been your fault?

Today my new business cards arrived. I have just finished my diploma so could add the letters ‘DipRLM’ after the BSc (Hons) at the end of my name. This might not mean much to many people, but I was so excited, and so proud, I’ve been counting off the days until they arrived.

So, when they arrived, I put a picture of one on facebook – and quickly realised that for some reason, I had put B(Sc) Hons instead of BSc (Hons). Now I know this is a stupid little thing, but I feel like a complete fool. I shouldn’t have got this wrong. I’m supposed to be intelligent but I feel like the stupidest person on earth. I KNOW I’m overreacting but I just can’t stop myself. I have already thrown all the cards away and bought some more, correct ones, at my own cost rather than the companies.

My immediate reaction was to cut myself. So, I guess the thinking is, I am stupid, I deserve to be punished. I’m not going to, but the thought was there. I’m glad I have got to a place where I can fight that feeling. I just wish I didn’t feel so sad about it, and so stupid.

Take Care. x

 

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One comment

  1. I don’t feel like you’re stupid for making the mistake at all. I think it’s just one of those irritating things that happens.
    But, I am SO f’ing hypocritical it’s not even funny. I can see VERY clearly that what happened with you wasn’t your fault, wasn’t stupid. However if I had made the same mistake I would have been FURIOUS at myself. I was designing a building and ordered $30,000 in furniture. I showed the owner 3 different options, one option was from a friend’s father who imported furniture from Indonesia at a highly discounted price. They could make the SAME furniture as the competitor at 1/3 of the cost. I gave the owner ALL of the information I had. I had never worked with my friends father before. We ordered the furniture. Not only was it VERY late in arriving, much was damaged and the finish was terrible. It would cost about $15,000 for it all to be sanded down and repainted. It was my fault. I felt INCREDIBLY stupid. If I would have had $15,000 to make it right I would have. I never charged the company for ANY work after that. (I was contracted) I worked on a few other buildings. I have to drive by those places several times a week and am reminded of the huge FAIL. Deep down… I know it wasn’t ALL my fault, but it feels like it was. As well as everything else that could possibly be my fault! But that’s just kind of how I work. 🙂
    You’re not stupid, and your reaction wasn’t stupid. It’s BPD and all that comes with it that’s stupid.
    Mandi

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