Why can’t I just act normal in social situations?

Why can’t I just be normal, and calm, in social situations? I never know what to say, or how to act, so normally just sit there with my mouth firmly closed, then come across as either moody, or rude. And when I do speak, I normally say the wrong thing, something innapropriate, or it doesn’t come out right, with either a stammer, or I mix the words round the wrong way so have to repeat myself. Sometimes I can even hear a tremor in my voice as I speak.

Why am I like this? People haven’t made me feel uncomfortable, in fact, for the most part, most of the time the people I am with try their best to make me feel welcome. I leave places thinking I won’t bother to go again, or end up sitting in my car rather than socialising. Is this shyness? Or is this BPD?

Also, when I am talking to someone, I cannot keep eye contact. At first I never realised I was doing it, until it was pointed out to me. I start a sentence, and by the time I have finished my eyes will have flicked away to somewhere in the distance. What am I afraid of?

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3 comments

  1. I think it is possibly a combination of the two. I am the sort of person who can chat with anyone the other half is fine with people he knows but hates meeting groups of new people so rather than be himself he over compensates at times then gets paranoid he has made a fool of himself and clams up.

  2. I have serious eye contact issue. I think when people see into my eyes they see into me and it scares me so I look down or away a lot.

  3. About 10 years ago I had the same problem and it kept getting worse and worse. It was like during every conversation I was going over and over in my mind how to respond and how not to look stupid. That’s that first time I went to a doctor and was SURE they would put me right in the hospital then! Little did I know that 10 yrs down the road life would be waaaaayyyyy worse and being in the hospital would become a regular occurrence! Anyway, they put me on Celexa and it worked for 10 yrs. The social anxiety went away. That alone was a HUGE relief. They called it General Anxiety with me. I can’t take Celexa any more, or pretty much anything else… but that part hasn’t come back. Thank God for small miracles. I know the feeling well, and it wasn’t fun. It’s not just because you’re shy. There’s a lot more to it. I took medication and it worked, but I never worked through WHY I had the problem to begin with. Which is why I am where I am. Hope you’ll be able to find a good solution!!!
    Mandi

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