Why do I always get things so wrong? Why do I think I know it all?
I took my little dog, Rosa, to the vets this morning for her referral appointment with an orthopaedic vet. He sat me down and went through the whole story (I’ll keep this brief:)
I went to Florida in February, and while I was there, she went lame. The friend said she had chased a rabbit and she had pulled something, which I accepted. Fast forward two months, of her being on/off lame and me not doing anything about it, hoping it would go away with rest, and while on a walk, she suddenly became very lame. When I picked her foot up, she had what looked like a thorn embedded inside it, nestled between the pads. Not being able to see it clearly, I stupidly panicked and pulled it out, only to find it was not a thorn, but a wart, later confirmed by biopsy as a wart caused by the ‘Papilloma Virus’.
Fast forward six weeks, and she is still lame, so we made the decision to have the base of the wart removed, and a small wart that had also appeared on her left elbow. As a precuation, I also had her shoulders and elbows x-rayed whilst under the anaethetic;
Fast forward another month, and she is still lame. I push the vet for a referral to have a CT scan done on the right elbow/shoulder to see what is going on, as the radiologist had identified some questionable ‘areas’ in the x-ray which could have possibly been a degenerative disease. The CT scan was done, and it would found that there was mineralisation inside the tendon attached to the elbow, and I was advised to rest her.
However, during this time, she becomes lame on the left leg, crippled even. I go back to the vet, who tells me it is a biceps over-extension. At the time I demand a referral to the Orthopaedic vet, and finally, almost two weeks later, I get to see him today.
It turns out, that he believes the original lameness is still attributed to the wart inside the paw, that the CT scan was pointless, and the injury is actually on the left leg, an injury known as a ‘Biceps point of origin’ injury. Why didn’t I know this? Why was I was blinded that the lameness was on the right? Why am I so goddam stupid?! I don’t deserve animals, I thought I knew it all, didn’t I.
This happened once before. My horse was lame, and I was convinced it was a tendon injury. Of course, I knew it all. I had my fancy degree in ‘Equine Science’, letters after my name. I treated it as a tendon injury. When the vet saw him he told me immediately it wasn’t a tendon injury, it was puss in the foot. I was so ashamed, so embarrased. I was so stupid. That night, I drove out to an old country lane, next to abandoned water pumping station. I drowned my sorrows and stupidity with vodka, valium and paracetamol. I was eventually found by police helicopter, more’s the pity.
So, I have left little Rosa at the vets. She is having an arthroscopy (camera into the joint) to see what is happening, then, if they find what they expect, they will ‘section’ the tendon (basically cut it) so it re-attaches in the correct place and doesn’t cause any more problems. They also found subtle arthritis in the joint but I guess that will have to be dealt with at a later date.
I feel so guilty, and terrible. I need to be punished for this.