Invalidating comments

After yesterdays conversations, and racking my brains as to invalidating experiences in my childhood, which may have contributed to my emotional issues now, but as usual, I had a mental block and couldn’t think of anything (sometimes I wonder if that’s my brains way of protecting myself).

Anyway, I didn’t have to wait for long. This morning, I was sniffling and snuffling, and I wondered to myself out loud, ‘I wonder if I have developed Hay fever?’. Immediately my mum replied – ‘No you haven’t’.

So, as soon as she said it, I could easily identify that as an invalidating response. A validating response would have been ‘What makes you think that?’ ‘Perhaps you should look into that?’

There endeth my observation.

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5 comments

  1. I developed hay fever in my mid twenties and suffered really badly for about ten years then it seemed to clear up again

  2. I think sometimes we have grown up having always been invalidated, so much so that it’s almost impossible to recognise – until we raise our own awareness and start paying attention. Then suddenly, we find almost every comment we make is invalidated and things start to fall into place. Being able to acknowledge when you have been invalidated is a huge step šŸ™‚ I don’t know what your relationship with your folks is like, but if I had said to my parents “I felt invalidated by the way you responded to my concern just then”….their reply would have been “No you didn’t!!!” which is funny, in a sad sort of way…but at least it “validated” my thoughts that I was being invalidated! šŸ™‚ Good luck and I hope you start to recognise more points when you’ve unknowingly been invalidated. Your thoughts and feelings are not wrong, they are yours and no-one has the right to tell you otherwise, or at least, you don’t have to accept them telling you otherwise! šŸ™‚ xo.

    1. You are so right. Now I know what I’m looking for, I’m sure I’m going to start seeing it all the time. The positive thing is I can watch out to see if I am doing it to other people, and then stop myself.

  3. Oh my gosh, my mother does the same thing. I don’t moan about injuries or feeling bad often but when I do it’s ‘you’re fine, shut up’. Like when I had appendicitis a couple months ago. I was laying on my chair in tears and couldn’t stand because of the pain and she told me to stop being a baby. I finally got her to take me in though she said ‘it was just gas’ and they told me I had appencitis AND a cyst the size of an apple near it. I was like ‘mom, I have a high pain tolerance. If I complain, it’s bad. I’d like you to acknowledge that.’ Guess what she still does. >_< So I get you. Invalidation is horrid. I LOVE YOU THOUGH. Maybe you should get that checked out? (;

    Xxxxx

  4. Whats a few sneezes between friends? I love you too sweetcheeks xx

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