I have a little situation arising. I know it’s coming; all the signs are there; so purely by my realising the triggers are there – will my anxiety make it happen? (I know I’m not making much sense ~ let me explain).
Last friday I started back on ‘full time’ hours, starting work at 9am rather than 10am, which I am used to. This on its own, is really hard for me. It is making me exhausted, in fact several people have commented today about how tired I am looking at the moment. I really struggle to get up, and feel tired all through the day.
Next, yet again, my parents are going away. I’m never particularly good in this big house on my own, which holds so many memories. That said, the last few times I’ve been good, and nothing has happened with regards to self harm ~ but I suppose it depends on the circumstances each time.
They are going away this morning, and I’m slightly concerned that the combination of tiredness (a huuuuge trigger for me), them being away, and the crap date last night which made me feel terrible about myself and my disorder will tip me over the brink and bring about disordered thinking and the associated behaviours.
I do wonder whether, now I am aware of this, I will either a) have disorder thinking because I feel like I need to ‘live up to’ the expectation, or b) the anxiety around having the disordered thinking will bring it about by itself?!