Doing the ‘right’ thing

As time goes on, I find myself faced with situations which are increasingly harder to deal with, especially when I am continually trying to do the right thing.

Following on from this recent post where I explained the situation which has arisen involving Simon (brief recap – he is a ‘friend with benefits’, an arrangement which has been going on for nearly 18 months. We are good friends, in fact, in October we are planning on going to Iceland for a week together. The arrangement is simple – there are no ‘attachments’, no strings, and if either of us started a relationship with anyone else, the arrangement would end. We based the arrangement on honesty, and lots of talking).

So, on Sunday, I found out that he has a new girlfriend (and I’m thinking he only told me because she was there, being all clingy, and so he had to).

First off, I am hurt that he didn’t have the decency to tell me when it first began. I believed our relationship was based on trust and honesty, but he couldn’t even be upfront with me – and that says a lot. Whether or not he thought it would upset me – he still should have been honest.

Secondly, I feel scared and upset that I no longer have this arrangement. Yes, the original rules were not attachments, but come on, I’m Borderline for christs sake. Attachment is my middle name. Even if I don’t want him for myself, I don’t want him to leave me. I don’t want to not have him any more.

I talked to Jen about this in depth last night, and tried to make her understand the Borderline view point, which I think she did. It all comes down to the fact that I desperately seek physical reassurance (perhaps because I never got it as a child?). What I mean by this, is cuddles, hugs, affection. None of it is of a sexual nature. I just need to feel close to people, and that is what makes me know that they love me.

Jen made a very valid point. I can’t just keep Simon holding on for cuddles, and the occasional sex. I have to let him go, and let him enjoy a new relationship, he deserves that, as hard as it is for me. It’s tearing me up inside but I just have to force myself to do it. I suppose this is the true reality of living with BPD and man, it’s hard.


  1. You have my blogosphere (((hugs))) for whats going on. Not the same and no where near as effective I know but still…
    I’ve been there hun and no matter how hard we try not to get attached in that situation it’s nigh on impossible for anyone with BPD to manage! I’m proud of you to be doing ‘the right thing’ with this situation and for finding ways to vent your emotions on it. I hope you manage to put your feelings away without any more hurt to you and maybe even find someone to have a ‘real’ relationship with who will treat you well 🙂 xx

    1. Thanks. We can but dream 🙂 x

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