Surefire way to fail a GCSE English Exam

As a said in the previous post, I have been going through some old paperwork and came across quite a few items which demonstrate that even in my early teens, I was already showing the classic signs of Borderline Personality, it just wasn’t recognised.

Picture the scene; We have been revising war poems all term, ready for a 40 minute paper which contributed to our GCSE English mark. I was not in a good place at the time – 16, self harming and struggling with my emotions and behaviour. The following is the result (I think at the very least you’ve gotta admit I had some balls to do this…!)

I believe I now have a copy of the paper because it was sent home for my parents to read. I don’t remember being punished for it, but I also don’t remember getting help either. Reading it through, it makes me cringe, but it makes me angry too. ALL THE F*CKING SIGNS WERE THERE. Why couldn’t someone have done someting to help me? Why was I not worthy?

Oh, and just in case you were wondered – I failed!



  1. Bourbon · · Reply

    I don’t believe you weren’t given help. That is such a heart wrenching letter 😥

    1. I don’t think the exam markers saw it that way unfortunately 😦

      1. What about your parents??

      2. I don’t really remember as much as I should from that time but from what I can remember they punished me because they thought I was being lazy and not wanting to do the work.

  2. As a parent this breaks my heart I wish i could reach out to that girl sat pouring out her heart and give her a huge hug

  3. mylifewithbpd · · Reply

    I showed classic signs of bpd at a young age based on medical records and schools records I have located, and I don’t think I got much help. I got some but not enough to change the outcome of adulthood. I really think BPD starts affecting at a young then doctors and professionals may think.

    1. It is very sad that perhaps people like us could have had the paths of our lives changed. You just need to try to think positive and know that you wouldn’t let it happen to a child in your care, so at least you can help someone else. xxx

  4. Oh I find it so annoying that no one took your change from A grade to failing student seriously, and that no one reported this letter as ‘A matter of concern’ is just disgusting. I used to be a teacher and unfortunately yes there are students I had to put out of the class but usually I was the teacher that listened and tried to help (there were some that just would not accept that help from me or that I would expect them to behave even so) That there was no teacher, staff member, examiner who took your change and mental state seriously is ridiculous!

  5. I do feel very let down by the ‘system’ but I have to let go of that and move on. The one positive is that knowing that I know now, if I see anything like this in my own children I will know how to address it appropriately rather than hiding it, or punishing them for it.

  6. You should have gotten an A* for that for just being so honest and so well written in my opinion. It’s like i’m reading what exactly is going on in your head. And that bloody teacher is so naive to not have looked into your letter further. What is it with people? I don’t know if they are nowadays, but teachers should have an element of their training to know the signs for any of this kind of stuff. It makes me so mad. it makes me want to become some kind of mental health professional myself (or a teacher) so i can make a difference to someone’s life..a real difference where i have been there myself and know what i’m talking about. (Classic BPD symptom right?! Not knowing what one’s path in life!!) Anyway, i’m rambling. I love your blog btw. xxxx

    1. I feel the same. I won’t ever be able to be a teacher but used to have dreams of being one just so I could find that one child who would confide in me, and I could help them. (I think that also comes down to me feeling like I need to be needed though too).
      I want to qualify as a therapist in the future but I need to sort my own issues out before I am able to take on others in a professional capacity. I wouldn’t ever charge people, I just want to make a difference. xxx

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