Dragging up the past

I had an interesting conversation this morning with my mum. When I was with Jean, she was never any good with money, resulting her being in debt by around £7,000. I asked my mum whether she would give Jean a loan for the full amount (obviously not realising that we would no longer be together a short while after) which she did (my mum runs her own business so gave the loan through that).

As far as I was aware, Jean was still paying the money back to my mum, at around £150 per month. I knew through a mutual friend that she had finally given up her part time job which she said she would never do, despite not being able to live on part time wages with her lifestyle, and got a full time job elsewhere.

I presumed that everything was going smoothly until this morning, when my mum suddenly announces that she is taking Jean to court because she has not been paying the money each month as agreed.

Now, I am going to be completely honest here. My immediate reaction was to be happy than Jean would be slapped with a CCJ and have to go through the stress of court proceedings. I need to look at my I still feel so much bitterness and hatred towards her as I clearly haven’t moved on. I think I probably need help to let things go; I am so quick to forgive people who hurt me now, but I just can’t let go of the things that Jean did and how she made me feel. Yes – she very nearly destroyed me – but I need to find a way to let this go, to let myself move on, for my own sake more than anything else.

Myself on the right, Jean in the middle and her husband on the left

So although I still feel happy that Jean is going to be suffering, and I don’t even feel bad about that, I know it is wrong. I do not want to be a bitter and resentful person. I want to be a good person who can forgive and forget, and live my life free of baggage. So I need a plan of how I can get over this. Answers on a postcard please as I am struggling to get my head round this one.

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3 comments

  1. I have a problem with someone from the past still and as you said, I forgive so much easier now. I think it isn’t as easy as a getting together a plan. With me, it takes just not thinking about her and the help of God. Also looking at how much I have changed since I let her ruin my life. How much good came from her not being around. Positive thoughts about my progress instead of focusing on her fate.

    1. I like your last comment. I just hate feeling so bitter towards her as it twists me up inside. I want to be a big enough person to say, ‘Ok, what’s done it done,and I forgive you for it’, I just haven’t got to that point yet. x

      1. I think that is something that can eventually come once we can back away from it and let it run it’s course. I feel it has with me. I mean this person has texted me twice just recently after over a year of no contact and I was fine with it. I didn’t struggle to stop myself from responding or talking to her about what she has done. I just didn’t care at all anymore. But I understand it is hard. with me, I was obsessed with getting back at her. It flooded my mind all the time even lol. I pray that one day she will cross your mind and you won’t feel anything 😉

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