I had an interesting conversation this morning with my mum. When I was with Jean, she was never any good with money, resulting her being in debt by around £7,000. I asked my mum whether she would give Jean a loan for the full amount (obviously not realising that we would no longer be together a short while after) which she did (my mum runs her own business so gave the loan through that).
As far as I was aware, Jean was still paying the money back to my mum, at around £150 per month. I knew through a mutual friend that she had finally given up her part time job which she said she would never do, despite not being able to live on part time wages with her lifestyle, and got a full time job elsewhere.
I presumed that everything was going smoothly until this morning, when my mum suddenly announces that she is taking Jean to court because she has not been paying the money each month as agreed.
Now, I am going to be completely honest here. My immediate reaction was to be happy than Jean would be slapped with a CCJ and have to go through the stress of court proceedings. I need to look at my I still feel so much bitterness and hatred towards her as I clearly haven’t moved on. I think I probably need help to let things go; I am so quick to forgive people who hurt me now, but I just can’t let go of the things that Jean did and how she made me feel. Yes – she very nearly destroyed me – but I need to find a way to let this go, to let myself move on, for my own sake more than anything else.
Myself on the right, Jean in the middle and her husband on the left
So although I still feel happy that Jean is going to be suffering, and I don’t even feel bad about that, I know it is wrong. I do not want to be a bitter and resentful person. I want to be a good person who can forgive and forget, and live my life free of baggage. So I need a plan of how I can get over this. Answers on a postcard please as I am struggling to get my head round this one.