Apologies

Apologies for my locked post yesterday – I had what so many of us know as a ‘Borderline Rage’ – total, complete and absolutely uncontrollable rage which came about in a split second and disappeared just as quickly. I felt that writing my thoughts down (and therefore getting them out of my head) would help, and it did. I am not a fan of locking posts but in this case, the post contained very bad language (that I wouldn’t want to inflict upon anyone let alone any of you young ‘uns that may be reading), plus in the heat of the moment I was unable to take the time to change names hence, I did not want it to have public access. So anyway – my point is – please don’t be offended I have locked it – it’s not that I am hiding it from any of you guys – it is because I don’t want to get done for libel!

I suppose, thinking about anger, it is another deep rooted BPD symptom. Just like other emotions, we Borderlines cannot feel it ‘a little’ – it is either there in extreme or not there at all. Hence why, most of the time, I am passive, and I hate confrontation, but every now and again I will explode, in a big way. At least yesterday I had the sense to do it on my blog rather than to the person causing the anger in the first place.

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9 comments

  1. Jaen Wirefly · · Reply

    I struggle with so much anger. Most of the time it’s quiet – frustrating – anger that rarely bubbles up but lurks under my face. I think it has to do with the fact I’m always thinking terrible thoughts.

    1. How do you deal with the ‘quiet’ anger? My perception of quiet anger is the rage inside that you can’t seem to let out, like (sorry TMI) a really sore, pussy spot which just won’t burst. It makes you strain against yourself and want to scream.

      1. Jaen Wirefly · ·

        LOL. Love the image. How do I deal with my quiet rage? Most of the time I walk around unhappy. I blog, read others blogs and comment, work out, meditate, watch youtube videos of the monk, clean, call my friend, cuddle my dogs, tell my husband, garden etc. Those are my coping techniques and sometimes they work. I guess what makes me the most angry is that I don’t feel I belong in society. I tend to pull away from groups because I feel uncomfortable and I rarely have anything of interest to tell those in real life. I’d look like a severe nut job if I spoke of the things I write on my blog.

      2. But isn’t that why we have blogs? To put it out there in a socially acceptable way and place?
        Perhaps you would benefit from more interpersonal effectiveness skills (get me!) to help you feel you are able to cope with the ‘group’ situation (I totally relate here – I feel uncomfortable, I don’t feel as though I fit in, I feel like anything I say it stupid and this therefore ends up with my paying stupid things) xx

  2. Jaen Wirefly · · Reply

    I would love to get into a DBT class. I’ve been looking but it seems none take insurance. It’s ridiculous that there is this wonderful therapy yet insurance doesn’t cover it and the therapists only want private pay patients. I could get the workbook but I tend not to follow through with that stuff.

    Groups tend to talk about stuff I’m not interested in: Sports, kids, family gatherings etc. I doubt all the DBT skill will turn me into another person. I’m different. My interests are a bit weird.

    1. I’m in a similar position. Although I live in the UK so all healthcare is free, I have been waiting to hear about my referral to DBT for several months, and after years of being let down by the National Health Service I decided the best thing for me to do was to buy the books and learn myself.
      You should follow as I go through the book – I bought the skills manual and I bought the CBT book (Although haven’t got to that one yet) and I’m using a couple of websites too. Maybe it will help you. I’m already finding I can identify with parts of the therapy and understand which parts of BPD they are targeting.

      1. Jaen Wirefly · ·

        I have Marsha’s book that details the DBT process. I have the worksheets and the details of how one goes about teaching a DBT class but I probably should get an interactive workbook for patients. For years, I’ve been in denial about how much of a patient I am.

      2. You don’t need to admit you are a patient to do DBT skills. I think everyone would benefit from them as they have strong links in Zen, Meditation, Mindfulness and the like. I am already feeling the benefit and I am only half way through the first module!

      3. Jaen Wirefly · ·

        That’s fantastic. I try and meditate at least once a day so I’ll count that as sort of doing DBT.

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