Trying hard not to let things get to me.

This morning Simon tells me that his girlfriend has told him people have been in contact with her, asking her if she is okay, and that they can’t believe Simon has gone away with me given that he is supposed to be with her.

This holiday was originally booked back in April when both of us were single, and if you remember back to my post a few months ago, I only found out by chance that Simon had started a new relationship, he didn’t even bother to tell me. When I found out, I immediately asked him whether he would still be coming to Iceland, as if he wasn’t I would need to replace him, fast. He told me he was still coming, and that whatever ‘happens in Iceland stays in Iceland’.

I wasn’t particularly happy with this arrangement, but as the time to go grew closer Simon told me he was having a few problems with his girlfriend and he didn’t even expect to be with her still when we went away. This didn’t materialise and I only realised how untrue this was when I looked at his phone a few days ago – declarations of love to her and the like.

Anyway, Simon also told me that his girlfriend hadn’t been very complimentary about what people are saying about me. What must people think? That I’m a whore? That I have no respect for myself. I was so concerned about what has been said about me that I read Simons phone again, just now, as he is asleep. When will I learn that when I go snooping I always find things that hurt me even further?

This is one of the messages sent from his girlfriend;

“I appreciate you booked the holiday before we met, but why did you never ask if I wanted to join you?
Why did you never try and talk about it before you went to make me feel better?
If she’s such a fking good friend of yours why has she never tried to be friends with me and put my mind at rest?
I would be mortified if I was going on holiday with someone else’s boy friend but she doesn’t care neither do you
You even ignored all your friends warnings about her and still booked it with her
I just hope to god she doesn’t walk all over you, chew you up and kick you when your down cuz by god she does worse than that and if your worried about not trusting and being used and hurt then she’s the one for you.”

So, first of all, I didn’t speak to her because I am a very shy person, and above all else, I feel bad that I have been sleeping with her boyfriend. Yes, we have been sleeping together for nearly 18 months before she came along, and Simon doesn’t even call her his girlfriend to me, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am doing something that will ultimately hurt her. I couldn’t put her mind at rest without lying to her face.

Secondly, who warned Simon about me, and why? This hurts and evokes more anxiety than I can tell you. I spend my life trying to make people like me so this is quite a low blow, even though she didn’t expect me to read it – that makes it even worse.

I know a lot of stuff has come from the woman I had an argument with (I slagged her off, but sincerely apologised, however in return she continued to slag me off and them blocked me on Facebook). Simons girlfriend has been spending time with her so I’m sure a lot of it will have come from there.

I feel like I need to punish myself for being such a whore. I am desperately trying to keep myself on the straight and narrow as I have had such a wonderful holiday, despite dealing with Simon and his funny habits (lol) but this is really pushing it to the limit.

Is everyone talking about me? Assuming I’ve stolen her boyfriend? Hating me for being such a bad person? Blaming me for hurting her???

Advertisements

3 comments

  1. don’t go punishing yourself. You know who the one who should be punished is. It wasn’t you that is dating 3 different women at one time and getting away with it. He is the one that kept her from you as long as he did, he is the one who acted like it was alright if you two went on the trip anyway, like she wasn’t really that much of a girlfriend. He is the player, the man whore. You aren’t screwing several people at once, he is. He is the one playing all the games and hurting people. He is the one who needs to be punsihed. None of you girls should let him get away with this. As for the person or people who are talking to the girlfriend about you, they are just trying to make trouble because they are looking out for her not you. If they were your friends, they would be telling you things about her. I am sure she has some things she wouldn’t want told too. I am just afraid you will react to all of this in a way that makes you regret later. Please try and keep your head on until you can get back to your own comfort zone. xxx (((hugs)))

    1. Thank you, again. You really have made a difference to me. I was safe, and stayed safe until I was distracted by the evening trip. I love you xxx

      1. I am so glad that you let me know that you are safe. I have been checking to see another post from you. and I love you too sweety, I have been there believe me xxx

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: