Back here again

I am back here again. I want to cut. I feel so over emotional but I can’t cry. I feel exhausted despite having plenty enough sleep.

Things escalated just before I left the office yesterday, finishing with an exchange of words between myself and another member of staff. This set the tone for today, for the most part we worked in silence. I was determined to be the bigger person so continued speaking to her as normal but she completely blanked me.

I came on, which probably explains how emotional I am today and yesterday. It’s not enough to have to deal with borderline, but I have to deal with hormones too!

I got home tonight and posted some adverts on Facebook about a dog event the club I am the secretary of is trying to organise. Most of the comments about it were positive, but there were some there that were negative.

I also saw some pictures of Simon at a trial yesterday, with his arm around my friend Nic. I know what she really thinks of him, and that she will have only been being friendly to keep the day a nice atmosphere, but it still hurt, and still felt a little disloyal, if I am honest. He comes across as such a nice guy, in fact, he is so convincing that I fell for it for 18 months, and I have always prided myself of being to see the ‘real’ side of people.

Then plastered all over Facebook, are lovey doves statuses between Simon and his girlfriend.

The final straw however, was noticing that Simon had become Facebook friends with Lyn, my old carer. This seriously freaked me out. I don’t know why he would want to add her, how he even found her, what is going to happen next.

I switched my computer off and am now curled up under my duvet with Hogan, wishing I could close my eyes, and when I opened them again, I could have someone else’s life. Or failing that, I could never have to open them again without anyone getting hurt.

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