I was reading an interesting thread here, in which a girl asks the male posters on an internet dating website forum whether her self harm scars would influence her ability to find a boyfriend/dating.
It is interesting to read the responses. I have always thought that my scars impact on the way people feel about me, particularly when starting a new relationship. However, I am now beginning to realise it isn’t the scars that have the most impact, it is the feelings and emotion behind them.
I always wonder to myself, ‘Who would want me with arms like this?’ and of course it is true. If I have children, what would their friends think? Would they be ashamed of me? Even now I suppose sometimes I overcompensate with my friends, doing things for them, offering them things, buying them things – because I feel they are doing me a favour being my friend.
I have dated ‘normal’ guys (as in, no mental health issues), and it didn’t work, because I couldn’t handle it. I have dated guys ‘the same as me’, as in self harming, mental issues – that didn’t work either, we just bounced off each other. I am in no place right now to go out and find a boyfriend, I am far too up and down, too volatile. I am just so lonely, especially at night. I miss the physical contact I get from friends whenever I see them – and hugging Hogan isn’t really the same. I don’t want to be so lonely but I also don’t want to fuck anyone elses life up. I constantly worry that my friends are getting pissed off with me because I ring them so much, but in reality speaking to the people I love really helps me to carry on going.