What happened this afternoon, I believe is not actually related to my borderline, I think it is a genuine problem that a lot of people will encounter during their lives. My work life is described in more detail in this earlier post.
Everything was going well despite an email from the married man at ringcraft telling me that I had pissed him off, and that he couldn’t work me out and didn’t know where he stood. I forwarded it to Kim, and on her advice, completely ignored it. I believe he was trying to illicit a reaction from me, and despite feeling really bad and anxious about it, I just did as Kim said and ignored it. Tomorrow we have a day of training in the office for our new computer system which is going ‘live’ on the 1st of December. My mum is away at the moment, leaving me in charge, so it has been a little awkward trying to get people to come in for this day of training.
At about 2.30pm I mentioned to Judy that she needed to be on time tomorrow as the training is costing a lot and I wanted to make the most of it. She told me I was lucky she was coming in at all, which although it got my back up, I ignored it. This opened up a conversation about the new software, and the way that she wasn’t allowed access to certain areas of it, claiming that she wanted access to all of it. Of course, I could not answer her truthfully would have caused a big row (I don’ t trust her) so I made some stupid excuse about being told not to allow access to everyone by the software company.
After Judy had gone home, the phone rang, and it was the landlord of a property returning my call about a faulty shower at his property. There is another lady in the office, I can’t remember if I have mentioned her before, called Sam. She started working as temporary cover when I was off work sick, and never left. She seems to have a bit of a superiority complex and things are slightly more difficult as her husband works as a plumber for us. (Conflict of interest anyone!)
Anyway, this landlord made a complaint about her, saying that she had sent a very rude email to him the day before. I looked at the email, and had to agree with him. Unfortunately, I now had a dilemma. Do I be honest with the landlord and apologise for the rude email, but cause a conflict in the office, or stand up for Sam? Bear in mind Sam is sat opposite me in hearshot of the conversation. I decided that being professional and maintaining the business was more important than the feelings of a staff member. Perhaps this was the wrong decision, but the staff member was clearly in the wrong. I apologised on their behalf and he accepted it. However, he then went on to say he did NOT want her husband, the plumber, working on his property, as he was not impressed with his work. As you can imagine, that went well. She started crying, which was awkward, but at the end of the day I had made the decision to protect the business so I had to stick to it and I actually still think it is the right one.
On the way home from work I popped in to Tesco to pick up some bread mix as I had decided to try out my breadmaker. As I walked in I walked straight past a face I hoped I would not see again – the bus driver from when I was 16. I carried on walking, and although he made eye contact with me, he did not show that he recognised me. I felt the anxiety rising in my chest but I just carried on walking, breathed deeply and let it pass. I’m so very proud of myself for allowing myself the space in my head to do this.
I made my bread. It was my first time and I’m soooo proud of myself. It’s so yummy!