Christmas is gone… time to move on…

Christmas has gone relatively well, better than it has done in years gone past with no dramas. I woke up on christmas morning in my cottage, got dressed and went to visit my grandma thelma, who is in a home. I call her my grandma, she is actually my dads aunt, but i’ve always called her grandma, it’s easier that way! Anyway, it was nice, and I took Hogan in, which made a lot of the residents smile.

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It was nice to see thelma, but also very sad. I have lovely memories of her when she was well, but still have to see her now, not wanting to live any more, her brain still active with a body that doesn’t work. It must be very frustrating for her, and very boring, like it will never end.

After the visit, we all went back to my parents, (both parents, my brother and his wife and two children (aged 13 and 2) and my sister and her husband  and five children (aged 14, 12, 6,4 and 2). Don’t get me wrong, I love children, and I love my family, but I think even a normal person has a tolerance level for noise, and disturbance. We had lunch, which was lovely, and we opened presents, which was all stress free, and relaxed. After lunch, after doing some dishes (which this year I didn’t even want to get out of – I think it must be owning my own house that has done it!!) and then went to sleep.

At about 5pm, the noise and the kids running around was really starting to get to me. As much as I felt bad about it, I decided I really needed to get out of the situation as I was reaching my level of tolerance. There was too much stimuli (stimulus??) and I was beginning to not be able to deal with it. I made my excuses, and although my mum looked as though she didn’t really want to me go (shock horror) I went home, and had a lovely evening on my own, in my own little house, cuddling Hogan, and watching christmas telly.

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Boxing day morning I went out training with the dogs, Tom, my friend Nicki and her husband. It was a lovely relaxed day, with good company. Unfortunately I did have  a small incident with Tom at the end, with him declaring how he feels about me, but I will cover that in a separate post (I’ve been meaning to do it for a while but just haven’t got round to it). Boxing day night was much the same as christmas night, snuggled on my own with Hogan. A bit part of me struggled to stop myself feeling the automatic reaction of being upset because I was on my own… but then I have to understand I have chosen to be alone and I should feel fine about this.

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4 comments

  1. I am glad to hear that things went fairly well for you this Christmas. I know what you mean about getting that automatic lonely feeling when it is all over even though this is what I truly to want. It takes me about a week to recouperate from two days of being around everyone lol.

  2. So glad it went pretty well, I think there is only so much noise and bedlam anyone can take! I found myself counting down to the time when I knew the small things would be heading off to go to bed and debating whether I could escape before hand too. Being alone takes a bit of getting used to, Hogan like Toby will certainly help with that and strangely hearing my neighbours either side sometimes takes away from it when it’s not too loud 🙄
    Love the photo of you two! he’s a gorgeous furbaby and no mistake xx

  3. I had a similar issue with stimulus. I’m still trying to understand what of y behaviours are linked to BPD. So comforting to read someone else write about things you have been through yourself. Thankful for posting x

  4. Meredith Barnes · · Reply

    As much as I loved being able to spend the holidays with family after 2.5 days I was right where you were…too much!! Glad you made it and what a lovely photo of you and your pup 🙂

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