Just wanted to do a little post while I’m feeling good, because I want to make sure my blog is a true representation of what life with BPD is like – are although they haven’t been too often in my life so far, there ARE good times, and I am currently in one. I have no idea how long it will last, I expect not too long, but I am taking it as it comes and appreciating it for what it is.
The anxiety is very low at the moment and seems to be event-related rather than generalised, which is more ‘normal’ so that is easier to deal with. It’s always hard to get on top of it if there seems to be no obvious cause. Yoga is going well – I have been a couple of times, even though I am the least flexible person I know! I am struggling to get the breathing right, but i’m sure that will come.
Work is going okay – it’s a lot better without the lady that caused trouble, and the only friction now is between my mum and me – mainly her not wanting to use new systems or do things properly. They blow up into arguements quite quickly so this needs to be worked on.
I started a new diet on the 1st on January, and was 12 stone 6 lbs at this point. Technically, according to all the charts, this makes me overweight, but I know you should never go with those charts. I am going by how I feel and how I look. Most of my clothes don’t fit me any more – some size 14 – and I feel disgusting. When I lok in the mirror I see rolls of fat, and bulges. I am probably seeing things worse than they are but it is how I feel. After one week, I weighted in at 12 stone 2.6 lbs, but I wonder whether that was just water weight.
So for now, keep strong, and keep safe xx