Stress

I had a lovely day. This morning I went over to chris’s neck of the woods. He is the chief flying instructor at an airfield near to his house, and flies both motor planes and gliders, which is seriously cool. I wasn’t as nervous as I have been for the last two dates but I still had to pretend to myself that I was meeting a client at work to settle my nerves!

This was the first time he has seen me without make up and in the cold light of day, and I think he is still interested. He took me up for a 30 minute flight in a propellor plane… I was slightly scared being in a wobbly little cockpit at 6000 feet, but it was a really great experience, especially as he took me above the clouds and let me drive it.

I met a couple if his friends and it seemed to go well, I just smiled a lot and tried to be confident. I have noticed that occasionally I do stutter or say words the wrong way round… Not noticeably, but I know it is because I am knotted so tight trying to be normal that I sometimes just can’t be.

When I was leaving, he gave me a hug then a peck on the lips, like the other two dates. I am curious as to why he hasn’t tried to push it any further yet… Is it because he is a gentleman? Or is it because he doesn’t find me attractive enough?

I am actually not feeling too great at the moment. The club of which I am the secretary is holding an event tomorrow and it has mainly fallen to me to organise it, which I am finding really really stressful, and it has made me quite emotional, trying to make sure everything is going to run smoothly.

Sometimes I feel like in recent weeks I have been faced with a series of situations that I would have previously been able to deal with, but now with my new skills am able to, just about. However, I also feel like I am pushing myself right to the limits of my capabilities at the moment of coping skills, and this is both physically and mentally wearing me out.

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