I want to keep posting while I am feeling good to show you guys that things CAN go well whilst living with this horrible disorder. I have been, on the whole, feeling very positive now for a little while, and despite issues arising (with my Mum etc) or confrontational situations, I have dealt with them and not been affected by them afterwards. One thing I was saying to a friend earlier, and wanted to repeat here, was one fact I have come to realise over the past couple of years: the fact that no matter what anyone does to you, or how they behave towards you, YOU cannot take responsibility for that. The only thing you can take responsibility for is the way YOU let those actions affect you.
Things are going very well with James, in fact I am spending the night at his house tonight, and I don’t feel nervous at all, only excited. I spent a good 2 hours on Skype with him last night, and I told him about my relationship with Jean, and what I learnt from it. He just took it all in his stride, and made me feel really good about the fact that I had been open with him. I have a good feeling about him and am secretly hoping he is ‘the one’, but on the other hand, I am not holding my breath.
Another little note, I have updated a couple of pages on the blog. I have updated the Dialectical Behavioural Therapy page with links to my homework from the free online DBT course, and links to some books I am reading. I have also added a page on Mentalisation Based Therapy. It is pretty bare at the moment, but hopefully I can update it as I go along. On the subject of the therapy, I had a bit of a surprise today. Out of the blue, my mum asked me how important this therapy was to me, and I told her, more important than anything – it is a chance to really become the person I want to be. ‘Well because of that’ she said, ‘I will let you have it off paid, once per week’. So at least, half of it will be paid (The therapy is twice per week). Once is better than nothing and I’m sure I can manage losing 1.5 hours wages per week – currently I am paying £10 per week for yoga and £10 for pole fitness – I am going to drop the yoga so that will be some extra money. I can also cut down on other things too. So all in all, I am feeling a lot better about the therapy situation, and at my appointment on Tuesday I will tell Sarah, the psychiatrist, that I want to enter the program.
An other note, I had a little request from a friend of mine. She is selling a set of therapy/mental health related books on Ebay, so if there is anyone based in the UK (or overseas but the postage would probably be extortionate) and feels they could benefit from them, check them out here: Click here