Homework number four: Online DBT Class

This homework was on ‘FAST’, an acronym in Interpersonal Effectiveness which is used in interactions to allow you to keep the respect your yourself – to not back down on things but being assertive rather than aggressive.
Homework – To describe an example of using the FAST and GIVE skills;
So here is an example, a bit silly, but an example nonetheless. I don’t like
people parking in the disabled car parking bays at Tesco, unless there are
actually disabled. Fair enough, if it is the middle of the night, but during the
day when they are actually used, I don’t agree with it at all. The other day I
was in the car with a friend, who pulled into one of the slots. I asked whether
she would mind pulling out and parking in another slot, and I indicated one in
the next row. I tried to decide whether it was cheeky or inappropriate for me to
ask, but decided that the level of discomfort I was feeling from parking in that
area was enough for me to say something.
I asked her politely and tactfully (GENTLE) (FAIR), and listened to her when she
responded to tell me that there were 10+ spaces and only 3 or 4 of them were in
use, and that it wouldn’t matter. I maintained eye contact and stayed confident,
fighting the urge to apologise for saying anything. (INTERESTED) (NO APOLOGIES)
I then further explain that while we were in the shop, perhaps people could see
us parking there and decide to copy, filling up all the spaces. I told her I
understood her point (VALIDATING) (TRUTHFUL), I really didn’t agree with it and
would really appreciate her moving to another space, just for my benefit (STICK
TO VALUES) – trying to make some sort of joke out of it, to prevent an argument,
or offending her, and to keep the mood light (EASY MANNER). Thankfully, she
moved spaces and the situation was resolved.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
And my feedback:
Mybbdstory,
Through your effective utilization of wise mind and the skills observe and describe you were able to reflect on the interpersonal situation. Through that reflection you were able to recognize, identify and acknowledge the prompting event and how you were able to implement the skills “GIVE” and “FAST” to state how you feel about parking in handicapped spaces illegally. Your thoughts and feelings on this subject do reflect what I think a majority of other people feel, and most are afraid to state it aloud. It is also important to gently remind someone that they can get a parking ticket which in some instances may only be £10 but can go upwards of £50-100, as well as a strike on the person’s driver’s license.  That being said, the way you handled the situation, with an easy manner, keeping things gentle while asserting your feelings/wants demonstrated not only your knowledge of but the effective implementation of the interpersonal effectiveness skills. By your effective utilization of the skills, you were able to obtain your desired objective while keeping things light and the integrity’s of both your friend and yourself intact.  Keep up the nice work.
moderator
Sharon
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