Homework Number Three: Online DBT Class

This weeks homework was based on the GIVE skills in the interpersonal effectiveness module. GIVE is an acronym for how to maintain a relationship – by being Gentle, acting Interested, Validating and having an Easy Manner. I am doing this course on this group here: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/dbtclass/. It is online, and free, great for those of us who were never given the access to DBT through the NHS.
Using Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills

Name _________Shelley_______________________ Week Starting _____11/03/2013_____

Fill out this sheet whenever you practice your interpersonal skills and whenever you have an opportunity to practice even if you don’t (or almost don’t) do anything to practice. Write on back of page if you need more room.
PROMPTING EVENT for my problem: Who did what to whom? What led up to what?

After not speaking to a friend of mine for quite some time (we had drifted apart), I spent a few hours talking to her on Skype. She had a lot going on in her life and despite me feeling as though I didn’t want to listen to all the bad things that had happened to her, I knew that to be a good friend, and a good person, I needed to, so I did, and I tried to make her feel as though she had my full attention by turning off my phone and facebook, and keeping attention to her and what she was saying..
OBJECTIVES IN SITUATION (What results I want):

She had said previously she felt I didn’t have time for her in my life and I wanted her to know that although I am busy, that wasn’t the case. I tried to make her feel validated in what she was saying by agreeing with her at certain points, and I wanted her to feel as though I was interested in what she had to say.

RELATIONSHIP ISSUE (How do I want other person to feel bout me):

I want her to understand that I am telling the truth when I say I still want to be friends with her and hear about her life, but I am really busy at the moment.

SELF RESPECT ISSUE (How I want to feel about myself):

I want to feel like I have done the right thing by being there for this friend. I want to feel as though I have been a GOOD friend to her.

GIVE (Keeping the relationship):

_YES____ Gentle?

__YES___ Interested?
__YES___ Validated?
__YES___ Easy manner?

Through your effective utilization of wise mind and the core mindfulness skills you were able to reflect on the interpersonal exchange with your friend. Through that reflection you were able to recognize, identify and acknowledge not only the prompting event and your objectives but your implementation of the “GIVE” skills as well. As your practice demonstrated one of components of effective interpersonal effectiveness is active listening. Effective listening skills are an asset in both our personal and professional relationships. Communication comprises both speaking and listening, and there is not point of one without the other. If you only send out clear messages, but fail to receive and comprehend them, they you failed to communicate effectively. You need both, good speaking and effective listening skills. So what exactly are listening skills. Receiving a message can be broken down into listening and hearing. Hearing is considered more of a physical action, where your ears pick up sound waves, which are then transported to your brain. However, listening is an active process, which involves paying attention to receiving a message and then comprehending it. Lack of efficient listening skills can be a barrier to effective communication. Active listening skills are considered the most important among effective listening techniques. As an active listener, you must have genuine interest in understanding the message. You must also want to grasp what the other person is feeling before you respond with your own message. One must then paraphrase their understanding of the message they received, and pass it back to the sender for verification. This feedback/verification process is at crux of active listening.  Keep up the nice work.

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