Inspiration

Sometimes things get so touch you just need to escape for a little while. I sometimes use photography, music, poetry or art to achieve this.

Unless the poem is credited to the author, it is written by myself.

Do You Ever Feel Like Lying?

Do you ever feel like lying and watching the world go by?
Floundering as you pass through life and always wondering why?

Do you ever wish that life could stop to let you catch your breath?
It seems that we must keep struggling on, right up until our death

Do you ever stand against the wind and spread your arms out wide?
Looking back through your life And remembering the times you’ve cried

Do you ever resent the doctors room, the diagnosis gained?
Thinking how much easier it is when things are much less strained

I never felt like lying, and watching the world go by,
Until I realised I’d missed it; too late, I had already died.

I Am On The Borderline

“I am on the borderline, it’s a lonely place to be,

So much pain and confusion – I wish it wasn’t happening to me.

People say they don’t get me – why are they so cruel?

The pills and razors help me, but you don’t understand at all.

The doctors tell me my problem, i’m diagnosed with BPD,

I need to be treated with caution, but you can’t label me

I’m dosed up to the eyeballs, sedatives by the plenty

I exist but I’m not living – that’s what the pills do to me.

I find it difficult to communicate, to put my point across

It’s hard to understand situations, sometimes I feel at a loss.

I struggle to see a future, although there should be one that’s bright

I need someone to support me and to guide me towards the light.

Sometimes I can be impulsive, make bad decisions on the spot

Spending, speeding or drinking, BPD causes an awful lot.

I’ve lost friends and loved ones a’plenty because of my personality flaw

But now I understand the causes – I won’t let it happen any more.

I’ve spent many nights after admission sat in the CDU,

Wondering how it came to this and what i’m doing to you,

I know how much it hurts you when you sit and watch my cry

Yes I am a borderline, but I don’t really want to die.”

Not Waving, But Drowning – Stevie Smith

Nobody heard him, the dead man,

But still he lay moaning;

I was much further out than you thought

And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking

And now he’s dead

It must have been too cold for him

his heart gave way, They Said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always

(Still the dead one lay moaning)

I was much too far out all my life

And not waving but drowning.

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep – Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die.

What do you see?

What do you see when you look at a face?

Do you look for the lines etched into place

Do you look for the wrinkles which stretch across skin

Or do you look deeper, to the beauty within?

What do you see when you look at my past?

Do you see the destruction or the damage that lasts?

Do you see the changes I’ve worked hard to make

The strength I have gained through those mistakes?

What do you see when you look down the line?

Have I made progress or am I frozen in time?

Is the future dark, or is the future bright?

Have I given in to the darkness or come into the light?

What do you see when you look at yourself?

Are you happy with life, your family and health?

Am I hurting you by wearing this frown;

Give me a chance, I won’t let you down.

What do you see when you look around?

A broken world, can’t see we’re hellbound

Sometimes you need to fight to feel alive

If we go it together, we can survive.


 

A Smile A Day

I told you I would make you smile each day
A smile that chases the worries away
A curve of the lips makes hard times cease
Can I give you that moment of peace?
 
You told me you don’t feel much like smiling
Overrun with clients, pheasants and filing
I tried to think of a gift that would fit
‘came up with a ‘burning the candle at both ends’ kit
 
I hope you realise how special you are
You’re a cut above, a shining star
You stand out from the rest by a mile
So I hope this rhyme made you smile

 

Fighting the Feeling 

Just this morning, I couldn’t take the pain

Wanted to cut to make it go away again

The release that wakes a feeling inside

A habit I am so desperate to hide

 

Taking that blade across by skin

Awakens a desire from deep within

The sharpness of pain, the brightness of blood

I try to deny it but it feels so good

 

We remember back to the friends we had

They see the scars and felt too sad

We did our best to hide the cuts

Time to stop; So many ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’

 

Is this how my life will be?

All these scars which label me

I need the strength to avoid the blade

I want to stop but I’m too afraid

One Mindfully; A Poem

An unattended, misdirected mind that is left to wander and to stray;
Is amazingly receptive and accepting of everything coming its way.
The consequence is a state of mental havoc, if permitted to go left unchecked,
Leaving the emotions in total disarray, the nerves absolutely wrecked.

One – Mindfully is a DBT skill that is indispensable to utilize;
To help the mind through mastery, with the present reality to realize.
It requires some practice to learn to sustain a strict focal point of focus,
Which takes advantage of no drugs, therapy, or the undertaking of hocus pocus.

One – Mindfully is a skill involving the centering of one’s attention;
That can be performed anytime, anywhere, and without reservation.
It is doing just one thing at a given time, staying focused on the here and the now
Paying no attention to diversions directing thoughts to when, where, why, or how.

One – Mindfully is watching out a window focusing on the falling rain,
Or sitting in your car waiting, focusing your attention on a passing train.
One – Mindfully can be performed while watching a blooming flower,
As well as during daily maintenance, as you take a shower.

One – Mindfully highlights the five senses, granting recognition to them all;
Focusing attention on a specific task, not permitting lapse of awareness to fall.
It is mastered by taking control of the thoughts, occurring within the mind;
During which, if you find your thoughts wandering, then it is time to gently remind.

It is a centering skill of direction on what one is at the moment doing;
It liberates anxiety, apprehension, and dread; a cognitive course worth pursuing.
It is a means to an end, helping the mental havoc to lessen; momentarily subside
Bringing serenity and tranquility, the intellect a more pleasurable place to reside

If this expertise gives the impression as too ridiculous or simplistic to be true,
Accept it as a challenge, and give One – Mindfully a chance to work for you
Utilization of the skill, One – Mindfully, will prove these words shared are so
As with recognition and awareness, emotions are decreased and are let go.

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