Tag Archives: purge

Body dysmorphic or just plain ugly?

For most of my life I have hated my body, and everything about it. There have been occassions when I have looked at pictures of myself and thought I look pretty, but in those photographs I am usually wearing a lot of make up and my hair is done. On a normal day to day […]

Determined not to be alone on valentines day?

I know it sounds stupid, petty and crazy but it means a lot to me that I am not alone on Valentines Day. I know it is only a day, and it is really commercialised, but it has become really important to me that I am secure that people love me, and being alone on […]

Two years ago today, the truth.

Two years ago today; I tried to die, I didn’t panic, I didn’t cry. I slipped a plastic bag over my head, got sent to a secure unit instead. Things got so bad I couldn’t keep fighting, couldn’t keep trying to do the right thing. 28th October 2010, I won’t let that day happen again. […]

Memories of an Eating Disordered Teen *ED Triggering*

On Tuesday night I went to spend the night with my friend Kim, and we got talking about Bulimia, and I suddenly remembered that at one time when my eating was bad, I had kept a livejournal, and after a little searching, I managed to find it. After reading through it, I can identify how […]

Systems are down

This morning is a little frustrating as all the computer systems are down at work so we are sitting and twiddling our thumbs until the I.T. company arrive and fix them for us. Sunday night wasn’t such a great night. After a reasonable day on Sunday, I suddenly found myself with quite strong urges to […]

It’s been a long 24 hours.

So, let me start at the beginning. Yesterday morning, the phone rings, and it’s the estate agent; the vendor has pulled out. Apparently she’s been having some boyfriend trouble so has decided to stay where she is and not sell up. Initially, I don’t think the news sank in. Of course, I knew nothing was […]


I feel so upset. I binged and purged again tonight. My body hurts, I’ve cried too much (purging always makes me upset). I still feel disgusting, fat, ugly. I took both dogs for a walk and the little one was screaming and jumping about because she is on box rest after her operation. It really […]

I nearly crashed my car, and had a slight relapse.

And it wasn’t even deliberate. Perhaps I wasn’t really concentrating, not really been ‘myself’ the past fews days; I was driving along the A road towards my house, following a delivery van. Suddenly, this van slowed almost to a halt and put its hazards lights on. Without really thinking, I swerved out the bypass the […]

The lengths we go to.

After reading a post on Lexi’s blog about how bulimia is disgusting, and dirty, rather than beautiful and strong, I was reminded of one of the worst experiences I had with the disorder. I am sharing this in order to show those people, currently thinking that bulimia is an easy way to lose weight (you […]