Life after BPD

Never in my life did I think I would maintain a relationship with someone. That I would love someone and they would love me back. I grew up thinking I was different, tainted, wrong, broken, unworthy. I jumped from man to man (to woman!) each time, the relationship becoming very intense very quickly, then coming […]

It has been a bit of a rough week for me and James, and a lot of thinking has been done on my part. I believed at one point, my lowest point, that I am incapable of loving anyone or maintaining a normal functioning relationship – but I will get to that. I have a […]

Talk to many of us suffering from BPD and you will find, on the whole, we are much happier tending to our own injuries (including stitching ourselves) rather than going to A&E (The Emergency Room for you Americans) and getting it done by a doctor. Personally, there are times for me when I have found […]

Since my last posts regarding my brother and his alcoholism, a lot has changed. For a good few months I had distanced myself from him, before eventually softening and allowing him (limited) access to me and my children (which I am deeply and profoundly grateful that I did – more on that later). He had […]

Life feels very tough at the moment. It has been a long time since I have taken the time to actually sit down and write out how I am feeling, but tonight I reached the point where, after 7 years “free” from self harm, I could feel my strength and resolve waning. Please, feel free […]

I think there is a set amount of shit and drama that the human brain can take before it just says, nope! and ceases to function. The drama relating to my brother and his behaviour continues to escalate, and I really am done with being involved in it all. After the initial “drama” of taking […]

As time goes by, I can sadly see more and more why I have ended up with mental health issues. *Disclaimer* – to my brother. I have chosen, until now, to not discuss your issues and their impact on my life. However, they have started to have such a large impact on me and I […]

I honestly cannot, cannot do this any longer. For those who have followed this blog in the long term will know then historically I have had issues with both of my parents – not teen angst “I hate my life and my parents and everyone else” stuff, but more, discovering the ability to question, analyse, […]

I am feeling very hurt and upset tonight, and I’m getting some old urges so I feel like I need to blog to get my thoughts out in some logical order down in writing. A situation has occurred over the past few days which has been upsetting, but more so the reaction of my father […]

For those of you who have followed the blog for a long time will remember the years I spent in a rather unhealthy relationship. If you don’t, and feel you want to, you can read about what happened here and here. Fast forward nearly 10 years, and as you know I am working as a […]

A year ago I embarked on a diploma in CBT. There wasn’t any reason for it really, other than it popped up on Groupon and looked like it might be interesting! Fast forward 12 months, and I have finally managed to find the time to complete it. Low and behold- I’m officially certified !! (I […]

From my early teens, I have had an obsession with plucking. Mainly my eyebrows to start with, and then extending to my chin and neck when I developed PCOS and started growing unwanted facial hair. It had become a kinda longstanding family joke, because after the first few years I no longer needed a tweezer […]

So last thursday I had my second session with my new “private counsellor”. During the first one, she was talking about my BPD and she happened to say “we” when describing one of the symptoms. I did hear it, but chose not to question her on it at that point. During this appointment however, she […]

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